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BIG PHARMA PAYING DR POP TO MAKE YOU STUPID!

Satire

BIG PHARMA PAYING DR POP TO MAKE YOU STUPID!

For many years, rumors have circulated that not-so-flamboyant, mildly un-charismatic TV shrink, Dr Pop, has some sinister lobbying connections.
But it seems that the truth is even worse than we thought.

A certain highly fanciful leaked document, of which we can neither confirm the precise source nor its actually existence, says that Dr Pop started off with noble intentions, and merely tried to follow the noble, time-honored tradition of fleecing gullible patients and viewers of their hard-earned cash. But then, it seems, things took a more sinister turn.

In this letter, Dr Pop laments:

Then the calls started coming. At first it was once a month. Then once a week. Then every other day. Eventually, it was pretty much non-stop. I mean, I’m weak. I know I have a problem. The first step to solving your problem is admitting you have it.

And what’s my problem? I simply have no backbone. If I had simply stuck to getting money out of gullible idiots, that’s pretty much the most morally and socially acceptable thing I could have done in post-Reaganite America. Nobody would have batted an eyelid.

But, to actually scam people at the behest of morally corrupt lobbyists? Well, for reasons I cannot fully fathom (probably because I’m still pretty much in denial… well, ish!), it just so turns out that adding in the magic ingredient of morally corrupt lobbyists suddenly makes a bit of good old honest graft and fraud some kind of morally unconscionable crime against America!

If I had just kept doing the right thing, and scamming and defrauding gullible morons, but doing it on my own, nobody would have had the slightest objection to any of it.

But because these corrupt idiots from Big Pharma tempted me to keep producing these inane television shows, in order to dumb people down, lower their guard, and soften ‘em up and turn ‘em into mindless drones, so that Big Pharma could fill up their empty skulls with whatever inane stupidity they wanted; apparently it alluvahsudden becomes a big deal!

Well, this is just moral and social suicide in the USA of today! There is absolutely NO amount of shameless swindling of gullible, brainless fools that can ever stand up in the court of public opinion, once you start bringing lobbyists into it. I’m really scared. Once people finally find out about this stuff, the Bernie Bros, the Greenies, and even the libertarians, will be calling for my head.

But hey! What can I say! People make mistakes. I accept full responsibility, but it wasn’t my fault!

Even so, Dr Pop’s program is still worth a look.

Well, I kind of had to say that…

But why?!

Well: ask no questions, hear no lies!

 

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