John Waters is a filthy, dirty human being . . . and I think that’s why I love him. His creepy little mustache makes him look like a child molester, and he curses like a sailor.

However, he’s absolutely hilarious. I love his comment on Divine feeling homophobic when meeting Richard Simmons—classic!

Some of his one-liners make me shake my head and wonder what planet he’s from, while others make me laugh (literally) out loud.

His story about accidentally smoking crack kills me—“I felt like Whitney Houston!” Ah, I could listen to that kind of shit for days.