Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow have decided to separate. And let’s not try and tart this up into something fancy, they’re getting divorced.

Not that they will admit as much. As according to them they’re going through a “conscious uncoupling.” What a load of new-age nonsense.

The couple announced their separation on Paltrow’s own website, which no one had previously heard of. And the title of the post was the aforementioned “conscious uncoupling.“

As if the use of this term wasn’t bad enough the couple then enlightened us plebs with a long explanation of why people aren’t meant to stay together for ever. Zzzzz.