Confession: I’m a monster junkie. If it is hairy, scaly, bigger than most creatures and only rumored to exist, I probably know its name, where it lives, and if it has ever served time at a luxury celebrity rehab.

Ahem, Bigfoot, I’m looking at you… I’m tellin’ you, man, put the bottle down and she’ll come back. Promise!

Anyway, I spend most of my waking hours hoping for nothing more than a few brief seconds of clear, incontrovertible proof that one of these things exists.

Unfortunately, this footage of the Loch Ness Monster is the complete opposite of that, but it does give CNN’s talking heads a way to kill a few minutes, along with all of my dreams.