“Are abusive men invisible? The question seems almost perverse.

“Of course they’re not invisible; to their victims, they’re all too visible, taking up all the space in the victims’ lives and minds, crowding out the possibility of feeling “normal.”

“Some grab headlines and demand to be heard. They’re larger than life.

“But it’s all too common, when an abuser is revealed, for people to be shocked. He was so lovely, we say. He seemed so nice. We never saw it coming. Even someone whose predatory behavior is an open secret, and whose temper is no secret at all, can be “charming,” a Dr. Jekyll side to the Mr. Hyde core.”

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