This video scared the living daylights out of me. I don’t know where to begin. The big hair? The neon colors, circa the 80s? Or the rapidly expanding breasts, brought on by a hormone-infused chewing gum?

For a while, I wasn’t entirely convinced it was fake. I had to spend some quality time with Google, before I found out that it was a spoof commercial made in the 1980s by The Firesign Theatre. Phew.

I can see the appeal, though. If this stuff existed and worked, plastic surgeons would lose a lot of money; all you have to do is “chew chew chew!” It’d be non-surgical, real and probably a dozen times cheaper. Ah, if only it were that simple.