“Tonight is my last new show for the summer,” Jimmy Kimmel declared from his home studio on Friday.

“After 3,130 shows and nearly 18 years, the host of Jimmy Kimmel Live! told his audience that nothing was wrong, he is healthy, he just wants time with his family, and that “a cavalcade of very kind and capable people will be filling in” for him.

“With that cue, a masked and bathrobed Matt Damon emerged from Kimmel’s bedroom, claiming that he’d been in there for months, waiting for a moment to appear on air. Schtick involving a hardbound copy of Tori Spelling’s sTORI telling and cuckoldry ensued.”

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